The Wickedest Slam

“Gimme the gyal dem with the wickedest slam, the kinda gyal weh know how fi love up she man. Man, if you waan fi get the medal. You haffi get a slam from a real ghetto gyal.” – Beenie Man

       The line above comes from a song where Beenie Man encourages men to cheat because they can only get the best sexual experience from a real ghetto gyal. Essentially, he is saying your wife cannot mash ants and so for an exciting and energetic love-making session you need a side chick from the ghetto.

       I have been observing an interesting phenomenon. It is a treacherous sin, but a delight that many men enjoy. A thing all men hate to receive but some of us don’t mind giving. The worst among us don’t care to keep it hidden. We men want the safety and stability of a happy family, but we also want to explore and enjoy our sexuality thoroughly. Marriage seems to place restrictions on this because it is only legally, socially and morally acceptable to be with one woman throughout our lives. We want to be good men but the desire for more burns bright on the inside so being satisfied with one woman often seems impossible.

       Many of us men idolize sex and so we live as if we cannot live without it. On top of that, we crave variety in our sexual experiences. Being married and faithful to one woman especially if she is providing a lazy and monotonous sexual experience seems so unreasonable to our flesh. Adding a side chick or two to the roster seems necessary because wifey doesn’t get down like the concubines.

       This isn’t new, we know King David, Solomon, Saul and other powerful men in the Bible had multiple wives and concubines. The insatiable desire for variety existed long before porn became an internet sensation. The interesting phenomenon I speak of is the fact that sinful sex tends to taste better than righteous sex. The side chick tends to provide a better experience than the wife not only in the bedroom but also in overall treatment. In this article, I’m seeking to explore the reasons behind all this.

Why are Side Chicks “better” than Wives?

       I’ve seen the memes on social media and the suggestive innuendos. Where sexual enjoyment is concerned wives get a bad rep. But I don’t believe it is entirely the wife’s fault. Truth is sex is a sensitive topic of discussion. Many husbands and wives are dissatisfied with their experience but don’t have the mental capacity to discuss the issues with their partners in such a way that improves their sexual experience with each other. The delicate nature of such a discussion leaves most people keeping their dissatisfaction to themselves and just working with whatever mediocrity their wife/husband gives them. This leaves us vulnerable to the attack of the Enemy. Sex lives between husbands and wives have gone flat and so side chicks become seemingly necessary.

       The main reason side chicks seem better than wives is novelty. Side chicks provide a fresh new experience. Add to that the risk of being caught and the allure of a different location from the same old matrimonial bedroom. You have the recipe for a passionate and exciting sexual experience. Side chicks often tend to be more energetic and aesthetically pleasing to the eye. It’s not that this was not the wife’s demeanour at one point. The wife may have been just as appealing in the earlier stages of the relationship but married life took its toll.

       A fundamental difference between the side chick and the wife is that the side chick has little to no responsibilities where the man is concerned and so there is little to no offence between the side chick and the man. Offence is a powerful hindrance to the flow of sexual energy between husbands and wives. With no offence in the midst side chicks will naturally show up as more appealing, loving, warm and welcoming to the man as opposed to his wife.

      Men sometimes make the mistake of leaving their wives for their side chicks, because they fail to understand why their side chick seems better. The sexual experience with the side chick who becomes the wife can become just as lame as the original wife because wifehood changes a woman’s perception of herself and of the relationship. You see there is a sense of safety that takes away the need to perform. So, a woman in the girlfriend or side chick position tends to treat their man better than if she were in the wife position.

Marriage is Holy Matrimony

       Beenie Man encourages men to get the wickedest slam from essentially non-Christian women. Most of us who are seeking to settle down and start a family are not seeking to do so with any unsaved person, who may be wild and vulgar and who may lack certain social graces. Wifeing a “real ghetto gyal” is probably not what we men want to do unless we are “real ghetto boys”. Being equally yoked is important.

       Marriage as it was invented by God himself is holy. God is spirit and encourages primarily spiritual behaviour like praying, fasting, Bible study and worship. Let’s face it, sex is forever a fleshly endeavour. This means the more spiritual we become the less sexual we also become. I have observed and I believe a general survey would confirm that women tend to be more spiritual than men. So, it seems unreasonable to expect a highly churched, saved and sanctified woman to bring vixen behaviour to her husband. So, it seems energetic passionate, creative and explorational lovemaking doesn’t mesh well with marriage, especially between Christians.

       So, what are men who desire more to do? Accept mediocre or encourage our wives to spice things up? Should the onus to spice things up be only on the man’s shoulders or should a wife be more intentional about meeting her husband's need for variety? Is the need for variety bad? Should we pray and fast this need away? Or should wives embrace the challenge to show up more like a young and energetic side chick? Would this be enough to keep her husband from seeking pleasure elsewhere? Maybe, maybe not.

       The monotony of marriage is no excuse to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Sin is exciting and enticing therefore the opposite of sin is going to feel lame sometimes. I believe we ought to accept that. If you don’t want to be living a wild and sexually frivolous life bringing disgrace upon yourself and your wife, remain faithful no matter how dissatisfied you may feel.

Can wives give the side chick experience?

     The number one way to keep a man is to have a man that wants to be kept. The second way is to meet your man’s need for sexual satisfaction. Where sex is concerned the appetite of most men can seem like a bottomless pit surely difficult for any one woman to satisfy. It is also like hunger. Satisfaction is only temporary, in a couple of hours the urge to indulge will return.

       Most women only feel the urge during ovulation outside of that window they can often live comfortably in their bodies without sex. However, I have come across women who have a high sex drive and an insatiable appetite to please their partners. These women are rare, but they exist. Some men can’t keep up with the desire of their woman and many men envy the man that is in that position. Can the average wife bring excitement back into her sexual relationship with her husband?

    I believe she can however, she will have to be very intentional about taking a couple of steps. It will be challenging; it will feel unfair and unreasonable. But if you wish to keep your husband locked in on you my sister here are some things you can do to help him.

1.      Get out of yourself – If your husband desires variety you are going to have to make a real effort toward showing up differently. Women tend not to see how selfish they can be because they sometimes think just having a V should be good enough for their husbands. As if a man just having a D has ever been good enough for any wife. The best sexual experience usually happens between 2 givers. Both husbands and wives need to be active (emphasis on ACTIVE) participants in the love-making session to make it good for both involved.

2.      Get Fit – Being an active participant will surely seem unreasonable if you are heavy. If your back, knees and ankles cringe at the thought of being on top it means you are out of shape. Wives tend to let themselves go, while single women usually try to keep themselves up. The lighter you are, the more creative you and your husband can get in the bedroom.

3.      Let go of offence – Offence is the rust between the gears of your relationship causing your sex life to grind to a halt. If you are a woman that likes to hold a grudge over every offence your husband causes you, you are sabotaging your relationship. So, he forgot to take out the trash again. Talk to him about it then let it go. He left the toilet seat up again. Talk to him about it then let it go. You caught him drinking juice straight from the bottle instead of using a cup. Talk to him about it and let it go. Even if you have spoken to him about the same issues 5 times before, let it go again. If resentment builds up in your heart you won’t be able to give willingly in the bedroom. Yes, he needs to improve, I will not negate that, but you also need to be less offendable.

4.      Be the initiator sometimes – Men are notorious for pursuing their wives for sex and wives are the infamous rejecters. If you wish to spice things up and turn things around, take responsibility. Tell yourself it is your fault, and that the onus is on you to keep this man tied to you. If you have been blaming your husband or putting the weight of responsibility on his shoulders only, you have been selfish and prideful. We all should know that pride and selfishness are the great marriage killers.

Closing Remarks

       I know ladies how challenging the points above are. Especially if you grew up Christian and sheltered, you are possibly a holy woman who sees sex as dirty and sinful. Possibly you believe positions outside of missionary are too vulgar and not appropriate for God’s Holy people. However, there are scriptures in the HOLY BIBLE that encourage sexual exploration.

       “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” 1st Corinthians 7:2-4

       “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19.

       Songs of Solomon also has a plethora of verses that speak to the sexual adoration and exploration that the couple shared. Brothers, we should not go outside of our marriages to get the wickedest slam. We can get it from our wives we just need to communicate more about our desires and be patient. She more than likely will not get it or be capable right away, but if you are kind, patient and appreciative of the small wins along the journey. She will show up better and better each time.

       I hope this article was insightful for you. Please share it with a married couple today. Blessings to you and your family.

Sincerely,

Darren Salmon

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